I've been dying to share the method I have devised for teaching Alex, who is barely over 3 years old to read. In the past month, we have gone from knowing all letter names and consonant sounds to reading short sentences.
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I figured it out! I am so excited, I am bursting with enthusiasm to get started. I've been thinking about the issue for four years, and for the first time I think I really get the logistics.

The biggest challenge I am facing has to do with Lily (the little one). I don't want to confuse her; don't want to slow down the development of her English. And I don't have any 1-on-1 time with Alex, so she will be there absorbing what I am doing with him, right as she is trying to sort out how words map onto objects & concepts.

The big advice everyone gives to bilingual families is: one parent, one language. This helps a child associate a language with a context. A single-language child would be going through a process of the form "When I get next to this object, i hear CHAIR. When I point to it, I hear CHAIR. When an adult says, CHAIR, I get placed on this object. Let me try, CHAIR! Aha, everyone is excited and I got on top of that CHAIR-thing. This is good." A bilingual child's process is more like, "When mommy gets me in it, it's CHAIR. When daddy does, it's FOO." and learns a whole context-dependent structure of each language.

Though I didn't choose to do this for a variety of reasons, I still can use the idea of context to prevent confusion.

So, here it is: A RUSSIAN WORDS PUPPET SHOW. I got the idea from Dora the explorer. (Don't laugh. It's not nice. I have to live with it!) They try to teach children Spanish within the show and employ the "This flower speaks Spanish. So, we need to say..." and plop a Spanish word in there.

I acquire a puppet that speaks Russian. The puppet will be the one to teach the Russian words - and mommy will help interact with him, interpret and explain (in English) what it's all about. And though Alex is smart enough to know that mommy is the one doing all the talking, role-playing and in-character dialog is so easy to get into for kids and adults alike.

Now Lily has one-puppet one-language context. Alex has a fun and engaging game that will slowly grow into an active study of the language once he is engaged and motivated. And I have another activity that might win over Dora the Explorer (a never-ending search!)

I have also come up with ways to introduce the necessary basics of the Russian grammar, but that's a story for another day.

I was kicking myself so hard today! After my mom left in July, after staying for 3 mos, Alex was really beginning to speak Russian words. He was motivated to continue learning, and we kept working at it. Then we sort of fell off the wagon. And now it's stale. He missees my mom and loves my dad, so stirring up enthusiasm won't be hard. I just need a plan.

Unfortunately, I have been unable to find any literature on teaching a foreign language to young children - unless you are planning on a bilingual household. So I have to wing it. I am finding it hard to get my head around teaching the complexities of Russian grammar. Because of declination, the same word takes on a myriad different forms, and it's obviously confusing - so I have to address it.

We play a "Russian words" game, which helps him learn basic vocabulary in a no-pressure setting. He points to things he wants to know and I tell him what they are. Occasionally, we reverse it. And I see him work hard to produce these words when he wants to, like when we hang out with my dad. Sometimes I begin using them in conversation, switching to Russian temporarily and translating into English. This is where the grammar confusion comes in.

There is an additional complicating factor: I've been teaching him to read - with huge success. This is largely what derailed us. I need to find time to do both and sometimes I am the one who finds it hard to split focus...

Still. I want him to be able to talk to his grandparents! I'll be working on a solid plan now.

Alex went back to school last week. It was really scary for everyone as he had a very hard time with it all year last year. School is great, teacher is great, but I think the difficulty came out of social problems. Alex is extremely outgoing and appears to have an easy time interacting with everyone. But he is deeply impacted by rejection or conflict. His first best friend, a girl that was two years older, kind of walked away from him for no discernible reason and he never really got over it. He obviously tried everything saying things like, "Today I was the first to go play with Rylee, but she still didn't want to play." He wasn't yet three years old and was obviously using all he had to try to figure out how to get her back... Thankfully, she is off to kindergarten, and he doesn't have to deal with her presence in the class.

Over the summer things didn't go well either. Summer school had too much going on. They had extracurricular activities, water play every friday, and there were lots of kids he did not know. Finally, I pulled him out and we spent the last month of summer at home. When conversations about school started again, he said he was scared. But at orientation, he announced, "Montessori school is fun. But summer school was bad." I think, it was his way of talking himself into it. And the first week went great.

We are taking it very slowly, starting at half time (just three hours), to avoid the kind of anxiety, which feeds on itself, and makes the situation worse. Unfortunately, the half-time idea was not working with Lily's nap times, so we agreed that I'd pick him up after she wakes up. He agreed and it went great too. I think he is really enjoying himself. He hasn't made any friends yet and is obviously occupying himself with "work" (Montessori activities) and is emotionally supported by his deep attachment to the teacher.

It is pretty amazing to watch him examine his feelings, find ways to cope with things that don't work to his liking, find the appropriate emotional stance and regain his sense of life. He is extremely emotionally aware, expressive and effective at communication. So this process is often very transparent. "Today I didn't play with anyone at the playground." "Were you lonely?" "But mommy, I thought about it, and then figured it out! I went to Ms. Gregoria (the teacher) and spent time with her. And then I didn't have to be lonely!" I just hope he gets back to enjoying himself socially! At least, he seems happy and the issue appears to bother me more than him at this stage.

I find that though I am mildly embarassed (in that being naked in public kind of a way) about yesterday's post, it warms my heart to have written it. Don't always understand my mind, but it works pretty well most of the time, so I'll trust it.

So.. Alex is 3. He is precisely the little man I was hoping for while I was pregnant. An officer and a gentleman, in a manner of speaking. Though, recently, he found that "keeping his ladies safe" was a far more acceptable clause of being a gentleman than "keeping promises." "Mom, I decided I don't want to be a gentleman any more," he announced when confronted with having to keep some promise that related to bed time.

He tells me and Lily that we are beautiful; takes the responsibility of keeping Lily safe seriously enough that I don't worry when they are unsupervised; is extremely polite; has an infectious sense of life; smart, insightful, thoughtful and logical. And, yes, he frequently drives me crazy.

Lily is 14 months. She started crawling at 5 months, talking at 8, walking at 10. She recently learned to run, say "no" with perfect diction and adores her big brother (when she is not screaming at him because of something he did). I worry about her development incessantly because she is not getting the same level of attention Alex did. And at every turn she astonishes me. She is incredibly independent and persistent, working with manipulative toys (puzzles, blocks, shape sorters, that sort of thing) in a determined and focused manner, achieving surprising strides.

Each appears to be a logical product of their babyhood. Alex, emotional, sentimental and extremely cautious, an attachment child. Lily, independent, persistent and very curious, a Montessori baby. We switched to the Montessori (plus Magda Gerber) method after Alex's 9 month birthday. Lily was brought up that way from birth. Though there is a possibility that much of what I am seeing was encoded at birth - their specific personalities seem to be logically tied to the parenting methodology, so I'll dismiss the thing I can't do anything about and keep on course.

My dream is to have a third child, but I am in the process of accepting that we now have a full cast. Hey, at least they are perfect. :-) And yes, they do drive me bananas. But, on the upside, I have finally found my stride: I don't cry, don't yell at the kids and feel pretty on top of things.

Jeff and I are doing great. There are still many challenges ahead of us, but there is a strong bond, a shared direction in life and a common set of goals. What would I pray for to the invisible man in the sky? A big fat line of credit, the kind that gets lost in the shuffle, please. But then again, he must get a lot of such requests. And if heaven is anything like the bureaucracy described by the immortal Robert Heinlein, such requests land in veeeeery tall stacks that collect dust in public storage. I think we'll have to go about it the old-fashioned way. Damned. (Though if anyone has found a direct connection to the guys in charge, I'd love to hear about it.)

It has been a rough year. Probably top 2 for the worst ever. At the bottom, I found myself thinking, "I am just too unhappy to try to make my life better right now." My sense of humor and irony were still around and I rolled my eyes at myself. So on better days I started thinking about how the hell to get out of that place.

So.. where shall I place the credit? I guess, it belongs at my husband's feet. No, he wasn't at fault for my unhappiness - we worked to get ourselves into a ridiculously desperate situation as a team. Shared the bad decisions, carried the flag of doom while singing Kumbaya. Kumbaya stopped abruptly and a financial, psychological, emotional disaster followed. For a few months, no more hymns were shared, nor laughs. The only thing we shared, at the low point, was a sense of complete desperation. But we could still lean on each other - simply because the pillars were still standing, and we did, by habit.

Then one day I looked over, and realized, he was not in pain - and that it's been a while. I recalled conversations from the past month, and realized, his outlook had changed. He was no longer surviving day by day, but building his life. There were again things he was excited about, things that made him happy, things he was sharing with me in the hopes they would improve my life as well. There had been no announcement, no proclamation of "starting a new life" that usually accompanies such a change in me. He just found the strength, and it produced heat that was melting the frozen-in-time state I was still in.

It took months for cobwebs to clear. One day I realized I was thinking a year into the future and that it had been the first time in a while. I started becoming aware of my ability to make decisions about my life - think beyond what had to be done today so tomorrow would not be worse. It occurred to me that if I didn't like my job, I could change it.

And Jeff was there. We talked. And we fought. And he made me cry. But, boy, is it easier to get out of the fog with a guide! For a moment in time, I was Atlas Shrugged's James Taggard, wondering the streets of New York, in terror of the foggy alleys inside his own head. God damned, that was irritating. So I talked. I admitted to evasions, to dishonesty and folly. He didn't beat me up further, didn't offer judgment, just lit the path that I knew was there.

About a week ago I recognized that I was happy. Like just normal enjoying my life kind of happy that I have taken for granted for some number of years now. I am still shaken. And a disproportionate amount of my time is going into taking care of me. I take the time to play video games if that is what I want to do. I often let the kids watch TV while I do what pulls me. I just take a lot more me time than I ever have in my life. And I am ok. I think I made it. And I don't want to go back!

And to my husband, you saved me. Again.

The best new year's resolutions for me are ones where I get to think real hard. Who wants to have to do effort? The whole point of a new year is that you might get to get a little rest, no? Oh, well.

Anyway. This year, I picked an emotional habit to work on.

To summarize: don't make allowances and then resent them!

Most of us do this. Your cooworker is having family issues. He is not performing well and you have taken on his load. You do this because you want to give him a break - but then you resent him for leaving early while you finish up the work!

This comes up far more frequently between spouses. You are sleep-deprived and your husband wants a nap. You understand, but then get so mad that you never get the rest you need!

So, resolution. PICK. Make an allowance and be cheerful about it - or DON'T make the allowance. "I understand, you are having family problems, so you can switch to working part-time so you can share your load with another employee." "Honey, I know you are tired, but I am exhausted too. I need an hour. After than, you can sleep as long as you want."

The world will be a better place once I get this worked out. :-)

There is no copyright on new year's resolutions. Want to join me?

OK, if the subject line sounds weird to you, you are probably not attempting to raise two kids while running a business.

Seriously, though. I got 8 hours of sleep today. Didn't know what to do with myself! ALL THIS ENERGY!

I do this from time to time. A new person comes into my life. I get to know him or her. And suddenly, I find myself taken in more and more. I begin to seek opportunities to spend time in their company. Their happiness becomes essential to my own. And it feels amazing.

I think I have mentioned, we've moved to Rancho Palos Verdes. It turned out to be an amazing community. Lots of money here, yes. But from what I can see, it isn't about money. People don't move here because they are loaded. For the most part, they move here because that's where they want to have their family. It's a place where they can pursue their values. It is so unlike the rest of LA, it's surreal.

Everyone you talk to in the grocery store, on the playground, at the Starbucks is basically smart, basically nice and usually extremely friendly. I am totally amazed that a place like this exists.

Well, back to falling in love. Our move here was precipitated by events, which started with both of us being taken in with a business partner. She is the single most amazing woman I have ever encountered. We have now been through a lot - including stress, pain of failure, anxiety, fear, you name it. And my relationship with this woman has only deepened and is one of the happiest points in my life.

Well, there is somebody else: Alex's Montessori teacher. I am beginning to feel the first flutters. She is absolutely amazing - but in ways that you have to get close to appreciate. An excellent Montessori teacher is one who is able to stay in the shadows, one that directs the kids without being the center of their attention. The prototypical preschool teacher who is singing and dancing with kids, chasing them around and entertaining them is the opposite of what one would look for in a montessori school. Ms. Gregoria (that's her) is the epitome of what a teacher should be. And she has that air of competence, benevolence and wisdom about her. And when she smiles, she doesn't light up the room - she just make you feel warm for being near her. And suddenly, I am looking for excuses to volunteer in the classroom, to have a conversation with her, especially one about the montessori method - where her competence and passion come through the most...

And I love how it feels!

Here is a story.

Alex walks quietly into our bedroom and carefully wakes me up by touching my hand. We tiptoe out without waking daddy or Lily. I notice, he is engaged with something and lie down on the couch to try to wake up.

"Mommy! You are supposed to be watching a puppet show! Wake up! Come up here!"

OK. Now who could say no to that?

"Please have a seat here! OK. Now you can watch the puppet show!"

Then we get a musical production of "The sun is hot" featuring singing paper bag puppets and a grand finale: "The sun is hoooooh-t" with outstretched arms of an experienced singing performer.

Then it was my turn. I added the variation of "I close the door; the sun doesn't get me any more!" Alex picked up those lyrics on the next performance and the imaginary curtain fell on dooooo-oooo-ooor!"

That was an ok way to wake up. :-)

Again... Long time. Oh well.

Let's see...

We have moved to Fantasy Land. Well, this particular land is called Rancho Palos Verdes and is a breath-takingly beautiful peninsula south of LA. We are leasing a townhome, bigger than our house in Whittier and saving money in the process. Hah- hah, real estate market.

We decided to move because our business has brought us in contact with some wonderful people who have made a life for themselves there and have been campaigning for us to move out. We visited a Montessori preschool their kids go to and it was by a landslide the best we had seen. We scratched out heads, thought about it, and went for it! Live life in big bites, right?

As soon as we moved, we realized that we might be out of a job! Thankfully, that situation is largely resolved, though we have to work extra-double-hard to preserve our business. We can probably do it. Or we'll have fun trying.

Alex is still a pretty amazing kid. When we go to the playground, people are shocked he is only two years old. His communication skills and emotional maturity surprise his teachers. And he is growing into my picture of a perfect man. He is unfailingly polite, protective of those he loves, intelligent, funny, self-confident and loving. "Mommy," he says, "Don't worry! I will keep you safe!" "Mommy, don't be sad. Let me hold your hand!" He squashed a bug and said, "You don't have to be afraid any more." When I bring Lily out, he says, "Oh, how is my little girl?" "Lily, I will teach you!" "Oh, mommy, hurry, Lily is crying!"

Lily is doing well. Unfortunately, she has a never-ending cold because Alex brings them from school and she takes a long time to get over each one... She is very different from Alex. He was always a thinker, obviously absorbed within his own mind. She is all about people. Even when upset, she will give you a huge smile if you talk to her - them will remember that she was crying and get back to it. Alex is a copy of his dad - both in looks and personality. (Lucky me!) Lily appears to be getting her looks from my mom and has her temperament (I inherited them from her as well). They will be a wonderful pair.

These are turbulent times though. Starting school was incredibly tough for Alex. He is only now beginning to be happy there. The move was even harder. The stress Jeff and I experienced as a result of business problems did him in. For a while, he was behaving like a typical two-year-old: crying, tantrums, lot of anger. We have finally turned the corner. I am helping him regain his balance.

I am doing better too - there was a week or so in there, when I couldn't tell which was was up. But... I am back in the saddle. Life is pretty amazing with all of its twists and turns! Keeps us on our toes.

Miss everybody here... Been a really long time!

I was randomly looking through my journal. So much fun stuff over the past couple of years!

We are doing great. Lily is two months old now. She has bad days, she has great days. She usually sleeps through the night. My mom is in town, and it's been great to have her around. She helps take care of Lily and between the two of us we are teaching Alex Russian.

Alex is more wonderful than ever. He is everything one might dream of in a child, even a friend, and in many ways, a man. When I cry, he brings me drinks and flowers and tells me, "It's ok, mommy! Don't be sad!" When Lily cries in the car, he comforts her by saying, "It's ok, little girl! We are almost home!" When he hears her crying in her room, he says, "Mommy! Mommy! Lily woke! She needs you!" He has begun real in-depth thinking about life. "Mommy, are you a wife?" he asked recently. I explained about husbands and wives and marriage, and gave him examples of people we knew. "What's wrong with me?" He sounded panicked five minutes later. "Why I am not married?!"

It isn't about knowing his colors or his letters, nor being able to learn Russian words or accomplishing physical feats any more. The profound statements and connections he makes, the ability to relate to people around him in a loving way, those are the things that I am completely floored by and basking in these days.

He started at a wondeful Montessori preschool yesterday. It went great, even though by the time daddy came to pick him up, he was crying. He told us all about it, in great detail. And said that he missed daddy (who dropped him off) very very much. "I talked to Ms. [Gre]goria. I said, 'Where is my daddy?' He went and buyed me a snack. There was no daddy. And - there you were! Because daddy always comes for me!" "I missed daddy and mommy and Lily too!"

The school is very far away. We are moving shortly to be closer, but in the meantime, it takes an hour and a half, including two potty stops to get there. It's obviously an amazing experience and after looking at a half a dozen schools, we are besides ourselves at finding this one. It's in Rancho Palos Verdes, one of the nicest areas in LA, right by the ocean. Our friends & cooworkers live there and have been campaigning to have us move closer to them. Well, they won!

It is now 7 am. Lily's been asleep for about ten hours. This is very unusual and my boobies are not happy about it. But the rest of me is thrilled. Daytime sleep has been a problem lately. But with my mom here, not very taxing on me.

I have a lot of work to do and I am having fun with that. My life is more or less as perfect as it's ever been. So I can't really complain about being sleep deprived, can I?

This is quite funny...

Jeff and I are in agreement: there shouldn't be taboos on the subject of sex, body parts or bodily functions. Alex refers to his penis without giggling and knows that his sister has a vagina as does his mommy. We don't hide our bodies from him, though we explain that nudity is ok for family only and when he goes outside or when we have company, he needs to be dressed.

Because we often go to the bathroom together (particularly since he now goes on the potty), he became witness to the fact that I still have a lot of bleeding from childbirth. I explained about blood and that I had a tummy ouchy and that what he was asking about was a pad that kept my undies clean while I still had blood coming out of my tummy. Earlier, discovered my private drawer and decided that tampons were a wonderful toy. I had explained then that they were for when mommy had tummy ouchies and left it at that. (Certainly, I wasn't going to create an uncomfortable subject around that!)

So... this is the funny part. Hunter, his ten-year-old cousin discovered the plastic part of a tampon in the car (the part, which looks sort of like a syringe, that he plays with) and said, what's that? I wasn't there. Jeff had just opened his mouth as he was trying to figure out what to say, "It's a tampon!" Alex announced. "What's a tampon?" asked Hunter. Jeff began saying something to the extent that she should ask her mommy. At this point, Alex, the two-year-old, proceeded to educate his cousin. He explained that it was for mommies and mentioned blood, underwear and ouchies. How would you like to learn about periods from a two-year-old?!

So weird... Almost every day Lily has a hard time going to sleep at least once. I am beginning to see the pattern. It appears that all of her fussing has to do with being overtired. A baby this small simply doesn't have the bandwidth to deal with the world much. It seems that the less I do with her between naps, the happier she is. In fact, if I nurse her and then quickly dump her back in her room, she is happiest. Often, she'll take as long as an hour to go to sleep - but there is no crying. Just a happy baby hanging in her bassinet.

If instead, motivated by guilt, I decide, "I really need to spend some time with this baby!" I am in for trouble after time spent in a noisy environment with too much going on... Imagine that!

Lily has had a couple of rough days as she was transitioning to being alive and more alert. After some trial and error, we are back to a perfect union.

Here are some fascinating things. I noticed that she gets very sleepy after nursing, just like you & I - food coma! However, if I put her down at that point, she only sleeps for up to fifteen minutes. She is out of the coma and wants to play! I wonder if this was a large part of my problems with Alex - he never slept for more than that without my constant help (I kept him in my arms or baby carrier and rocked him back to sleep each time he woke up).

If I give her some play time (which usually amounts to laying down and staring at things) and wait till she becomes unhappy and then go through the putting her to sleep routine - she'll fall asleep on her own be asleep for hours! The falling asleep on her own may take a long time and occasional help - turn her over, pick her up/put her down, may be ask the bassinet for some musical accompaniment. But she usually succeeds. I do not let her cry - I simply don't believe it works well. It stresses the baby out and makes bed time a point of anxiety, even if it leads to better sleep.

Alex is continuing to amaze me with his attitude. We really enjoy spending time with all three of us. He shows occasional affection and interest in Lily, then goes back to interacting with me while she is peaceful nearby. When she becomes unhappy, he exerts effort to help by "singing", talking to her, bringing her a blanket, etc. While this behavior shouldn't be surprising in a five-year-old, Alex just turned two!!!

I am continuing to give him lots of focused and loving attention and he seems to be above average happy and sweet. I do miss him. Despite my best effort, we are spending a limited time alone together right now.

Last night he went to sleep at 4 pm and stayed asleep for the night (we don't take naps any more, so this was just a weird schedule hickup). he woke up at 12:30 and was asking for mommy. Hearing that, I extracted myself from under the sleeping Lily and ran over to him. We proceeded to spend an hour and a half hanging in his bed, eating cheerios and talking. At some point I nursed Lily and excused myself a couple of times to "help her fall asleep." One might say it was a rough night... But I delighted in our unexpected quiet time together and loved every second of it. At 2am Alex was asleep... Of course, Lily was up and it was another half an hour or so before I got to bed. Still... totally worth it! Imagine that...

Having some problems with night-time sleep with Lily. She slept for four hours from 8-12, which is great. I laid down with her to nurse/sleep for the rest of the night, but she just seemed wakeful. I was half-asleep, but at no point was I aware of her being asleep next to me all through the night. I gave up at around 6 and figured I'd get some sleep when Hoda, the babysitter gets here.

I finally managed to put her down. She does look really cute... may be I should forgive her, eh? Nah... I'll hold the grudge for a while. Let's see what kind of code I can write in this state!

I am so happy, I don't know what to do with myself. Hormones? Probably.

Alex has grown up overnight. It seems to be his response to becoming a big brother. I've clearly been doing too much and suddenly found myself unable to walk this afternoon. My groin/pelvic muscles became so strained, every step required enormous effort.

Alex called, "Jeffy! Jeffy! Mommy is hurt!" Then said, "Mommy, take my finger please!" offering me physical support.

Everything he does and says suddenly seems more thoughtful, more grown-up. Today we asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner. He didn't want to. "Do you want to stay home?" I said. "Yes, stay home and play with mommy and daddy and Lily and Baby." The message was repeated again and again in different contexts - he wanted to hang at home with his family. Lily was firmly part of it.

I love him so much, I don't know what to do with myself...

Lily has been taking a nap every afternoon since she's been alive that's lasted over five hours! A sleep period that long counts (according to parenting books) as sleeping through the night. What do you fellow-parents think, should I start waking her up so, hopefully, she'll move to a more convenient time? Or let her sort it out?

Everyone in my house is asleep!

Alex passed out under Jeff's supervision after missing his naps for two days straight. (Don't know... too much going on I guess; he just wouldn't fall asleep!)

Lily required no supervision. She's been a textbook-perfect baby, at least during the day.

Jeff's parenting duties have exhausted him into a slumber. Just found him on the bed.

I am working. Like, writing code. Can you say, supermom??? Wee!

I haven't figured out night time with Lily. Pitch in if you have ideas! I am extremely cautious this time about sleep. I do not nurse her to sleep and I put her down awake. If she fusses, I give her a minute to see if she settles herself in. If not, I pick her up, calm her, then put her back down. It's been working beautifully. I taught her to suck on her hand within the first half an hour of her life and she is a pro. (Many parents are looking on with envy, I know! I could never get Alex to do that!)

But at night, I am exhausted, like I am supposed to be. She falls asleep while nursing,but if I put her in her bassinet, she wakes up a few minutes later. I am too tired for experimentation and I wound up with her on the futon every night so far. Should I just give up and sleep with her for now and not worry about night times? A strong argument is that since she settles herself to sleep for naps and at night, it isn't important what happens at nightly feedings. I do want to avoid the trap of nursing her through the night, though. It's so easy to wind up there! Boob is so conveniently located - eventually the baby learns to find it by himself! And mommy is only too happy to get a little more rest. But that is not a long-term solution... as I have learned the hard way.

Lily LOVES to sleep. What more could you ask for? So far, she's also been able to put herself down for a nap most of the time. I am having a harder time with night-time feedings, so for the moment I am sleeping in her room and having her nurse/sleep on the futon next to me.

Alex announced that he is a grown-up and has been insisting on doing everything for himself. He, for instance, hasn't been telling us that he needs to go potty, but instead been running off, climbing on the big potty, and doing his thing. It's like he is enjoying the big boy role.

Though, he firmly explained that he is "Baby" and "This is Wiwwy and this is Mommy and this is Daddy. I am Baby!" Ok. So we have Baby and Lily. Hey, whatever works!

My only complaint is I am continuing to have extremely painful contractions (uterus trying to get back to its normal shape), much worse than last time. Often, they keep me up at night.

Lily has been asleep for about five hours now. Its been over six since she ate. She clearly has night and day mixed up - but that's not a bad thing. This means that once she gets them straight, she should be sleeping through the night, quite early.

I feel extremely tender toward both of them, very much in love. Alex seems so grown up now that we've redefined the concept of baby... Lily is soooo tiny! I don't remember Alex ever being that small (he was...) I've already got milk, which is great. Lily never wound up losing any weight from her 7.5 lbs at birth.

That's it for now. Sleep soon!

We did it! Everything went to plan and far surpassed our expectations.

First off, we absolutely loved the hospital and I feel completely retarded for choosing the smaller, "less stressful" hospital last time. Second, the anesthesiologist was completely unconcerned about my back surgery and I got to have an epidural! This meant, pain-free, enjoyable experience - as opposed to the horeor story from last time. We did get the dumbest nurse on the block, but two others came in to check on us from time to time and were wonderful.

I felt the first contraction some time after ten a.m. Lily was out at 3:11. The difference in my experience was dramatic. I was so shell-shocked when Alex was born and delirious from the pain, I was really unable to comprehend anything that was happening till the day after. Here I was happy, excited and alert. Lily figured out how to nurse very quickly and shortly after that I helped her find her hand for the purposes of keeping it in her mouth as needed. To me, it's a huge milestone and a first step toward a well-sleeping baby.

She has been doing really well. We had a minor meltdown when they decided they didn't like her breathing and wouldn't let me see her for several hours. I was about to storm the nursery, when they said that she just had a little fluid in her lungs and I was welcome to come nurse her through the night, but they wanted to keep her at the nursery for observation. That was good enough for me and I put away all the loaded weapons.

Alex got to bond with Wiwwy and we have some great pics of that which, if course, I will post shortly. We found a variety of body parts, got to hold her, play with her, hug and kiss her - all without waking her up! I don't know whether it's the drugs from delivery or what - but after waking up on and off all night, she was out almost the entire day. I managed to wake her once in the middle for half a feeding. The nurses keep telling me I have to wake her ever three hours to nurse, but I let them shove it and am doing my own thing.

I am happy and excited. Jeff & Alex are at a fireworks show down the street, at the hotel. We are checking out tomorrow and taking everyone home. And there is four of us! FOUR!

We are now in Pasadena, checked into Mariott. Alex is napping. Once he is up, we'll go swimming in the pool and then meet up with an old friend for dinner.

Tomorrow at 8 am we'll head the four blocks to the hospital, after Hoda (Babysitter) comes up at 7:30am. If you would like to come and see us with the new baby, the time to do it is either tomorrow afternoon or the day after. Call Jeff for details. :-)

I've been extremely impressed with the hospital. They've called me on two separate occasions. One to register as I was too lazy to do that ahead of time. The other to ask ten minutes worth of questions, which were going to be relevant. Questions included things like breastfeeding, possibility of depression, health history, whether there was anything I needed - just all that might come up or make my stay more comfortable/efficient. Way way way cool, particularly from a big hospital.

At this stage, even if we get started early, we are walking distance to the hospital, and everything is smooth sailing... Tomorrow, Alex should have a baby sister!

So, according to my doctor, the baby should be here in about a week. I am at 2 cm and all systems are go. Jeff and I were mildly disappointed. We had a false alarm on Tuesday, and since then felt like it was going to happen any day.

Last time, things went in a very organized fashion. We got to our last prenatal appointment, the dr. said - 3 cm! And recommended that we head over to the hospital to induce labor. It was by no means required, but he said, "The baby will now be a little safer out than in." He clarified this time, "By the time you are at three cm, you are risking a quick delivery in the back of the car." Seeing as, we live an hour away from the hospital, the prospect did not sound appealing.

We got to the hospital at 4 pm; I took a shower while Jeff went out for snacks. They hooked me up to pitocin half an hour later and Alex was born at 11:52pm. Organized and civilized! Perhaps not how I felt at the time though...

Still, I wanted to avoid induction this time, citing the fact that it hurt a lot as my reasoning. As things got close, we started talking... Our life has gotten much more complicated. We need to arrange with the babysitter, take Alex, meet her there, etc; we decided to check into a hotel, so Alex and Jeff can stay there while I am in the hospital; there is just a lot to take care of at the last moment and things kind of have to come together.

My old friends at the la leche league pain a scary picture of a birth that's not natural. And I have come to realize that much of that is propaganda, thus feeling more free to do what seems practical. My Dr. explained that my chance of a C-section is about 5%. He said that once I was at 2 cm, I was not increasing that chance by getting induced. At 1 cm, i would double it. He also said that past 38 weeks, there does not appear to be any difference to the well-being of the baby. (This is why I love him. I can ask him a question and get a precise numerical/factual answer. If there isn't enough data to answer, he'll just say that. This is why we are having the baby in Pasadena!)

So... we scheduled an induction on Thursday, July 3rd, 8 am. We'll go up Wednesday night and stay at the Mariott with Alex. Hoda, the babysitter, will come up by 7:30 am. We'll get to the hospital and I'll take a shower... If all goes well, Lily should be born some time early/mid afternoon. Jeff goes to get Alex and sends Hoda home. The four (oh my god! four!) of us spend the rest of the day cuddling. Jeff and Alex go back to the Mariott for the night, while Lily and I spend time getting to know each other. We'll see what happens, but this sounds pretty awesome. Of course, we could have her before then, too,like... today! But my estimate is that we are 75% likely to have a July 3rd baby.

One advantage of doing this is, no chance of waiting till July 4th. I don't imagine that the best doctors are the ones getting to be on call July 4th weekend. On the third, they should have their normal staff.

OK, today is Saturday. Five days to go! I am so ready! I feel great and want this week to fly by.